The night sky – an appeal

Look to the night sky in Uganda and you will see everyone’s favourite constellation, Orion, lying prone, instead of standing grand and erect like we’re used to, with his sword protruding magnificently from beneath his belt. If I keep going south, does he stand on his head, sword dangling comically? And if I’m in orbit, could I witness him doing cartwheels? He’s needs to watch out or he’ll stab the Great Bear in the eye.

Office Hours - Sherwood Forest comes to Uganda!

The other day, my boss was explaining to me his progress with finding a guard for our site. Getting ones with guns turned out to be prohibitively expensive, so he suggested getting ones with bows and arrows. He didn’t seem to understand what I found so funny.

Friendometer

The source of the world’s longest river, the Nile, is to be found at Jinja, where I spent the weekend. (I’ve thrown a stick into the river for anyone who’s planning a holiday to Egypt and wants to play international Pooh sticks). Jinja is a pretty chilled out place and the people are much more laid back than nearby capital Kampala – a good place, then, to notch up some companions on the friendometer.

Everyone seemed to be called David. David no. 1 was a guy of around my age. He took me all around the rapids where silly people pay hundreds of dollars to float downstream on an overgrown inflatable. He then took me via a load of villages to see where they’re building the new dam, which will put everything I’d just walked through under water when they finish it.

The next day I met David no. 2, a teenager who had cottoned on to the benefits of befriending the prolific Muzungu tourists. He didn’t go anywhere without his trusty stick – once a fishing rod but now a versatile instrument able to perform as a cattle prod, golf club, punchbag, imitation motorbike handlebars, and no doubt several other functions that I wasn’t there long enough to witness.



Close Encounters of the African Kind

As I clambered on the rocks around the mighty Nile, my insatiable curiosity drew me to explore a narrow path leading into some bushes. I met a guy on his way out, who stopped me with the following words: “Don’t go there. They go there to defecate. It is a bad place.” How charmingly he illustrated the importance of seeking local advice.

Special feature – volunteer Jo’s latest Close Encounters.

Since we last heard about volunteer Jo’s unfortunate experiences with weirdos, she has been accosted by a man with a beer bottle down his trousers, and chased down the street with a note detailing a phone number and the words “I am Indian”. My goodness.

Competition time

My uncle Simon is about 2 light years behind everyone else:
"In case nobody rose to the challenge, the letter you missed out of your blog was k which is ironic as it is silent in many words!"
Ironic enough to receive a point, in my opinion. Many of you will have also noticed that the blog has received a comment from my gran. There can’t be many grans who could even tell you what a blog is, whereas mine is so down with the kids that she’s calling things “xxxxxxxxxciting”. Definitely worth a point.

Ben 2
Julia 1
Nigel’s Dad 1
Uncle Simon 1
Nigel’s Gran 1

Despite all this gratuitous dishing out of points for anything and everything, I am actually making some genuine glaring errors of fact that are being completely overlooked. You are all disappointing me. It’s almost as if you’ve got better things to do.